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July 01 我的白裙子我去年夏天买了一条白裙子，那可以算是到那时为止我买的最贵的衣服。当时在上品折扣，一起试衣服的人说白裙子好看，我一高兴就买下了。200多元，我到美国之后买的裙子折合成人民币也没有那么贵的。买下之后有点后悔，觉得布料没那么好。可是，同学们都挺给面子的，都说那裙子淑女，我心里也美滋滋的。不过，那时候穿衣服已经不那样保守了，衣服只要买了来，再夸张也是敢穿的。换句话说，不敢穿的自然就不会买。记得答辩的时候我就穿着那条裙子，答辩主席毫无眼力，一点面子都没给，直接批评我为什么来这么晚。我的答辩顺序靠后，所以没有一开始就到，他还挑理了。还好，答辩一切顺利。
八月份，去了美国，偶尔也穿过几次，当时不认识什么人，大家也都没什么评价。
今天想起来写这些文字，是因为刚才在实验室里有人夸我这条裙子漂亮。他用了nice，我很高兴。他竟然注意到我换了裙子。今天很热，白天穿着白裙子来的，下午回家吃了晚饭，觉得白裙子热，就换了另一条裙子。这条裙子是几个月前在美国买的。我自己挺满意的。但是，今天看来，还是没有白裙子好看。
很高兴。因为感觉搞计算机的人很少有人会注意你穿什么衣服。当你换了一件新衣服时，也很少有人会夸你的衣服漂亮。记得硕士的时候，买了一件当时自己觉得还比较夸张的衣服，穿到实验室本以为自己会比较紧张的，后来发现压根没人注意，于是很心安理得。人长得不漂亮，也有把自己打扮的漂亮的权利吧。所以，我很主张任何好衣服都不要藏在柜子里，不要怕别扭，要大大方方穿出来。当然，很多人不需要我的鼓励。但是，有些人还是需要我的鼓励的。记得本科的时候，同寝室的人有很多漂亮衣服，当时她就是放不开，在宿舍试了很久都没敢穿出来，以至于一件很漂亮的毛衣到初夏才穿出来，都赶不上季节了。我觉得很可惜。现在同住的姐妹也有这样顾虑重重的，还是希望她们多穿漂亮衣服。人吗，穿得好自己精神也好。首先要自己活得开心，不是吗？ June 30 Go Karting 去开卡丁车了，尽管很丢人，还是要记一下。 见到卡丁车时，才想到我家附近的一个公园就有这玩意儿，只不过当时不知道那是什么东西，只看见一个人坐上去，以为是给小孩子玩的小车。 负责游戏的人提供服装和头盔。比较丢人的是，我的脑袋很小啊，可是找了两个头盔都觉得太紧，戴上头盔眼镜就戴不上，这时候特恨自己为什么近视，而且眼睛越来越不好了。好不容易戴上了头盔，大家都在等着我呢，我们来迟了，但是还是赶上了训练，先练习一遍再竞赛。上了卡丁车，脚放在前面，卡丁车死活不走。丢人丢到家了。终于搞清楚了，脚踩加速器，终于走了。一开上车，才感觉到什么是速度。当然，我的速度肯定比不上您的速度，但是对我来说已经觉得很刺激了。我比较保守，开弯道的时候不蹬加速器，也不踩刹车，只是磨方向盘。其实在跑道上我都一直没用过刹车，目标就是不脱道。还好，中间都没有出现脱道的情况，有一次被人撞了，才知道撞车是什么滋味，冲力极大，想想如果要真的开车，真是要小心。我始终都没有开到最大速度，脚踩油门一会儿就放开，害怕速度太快了方向盘就磨不动了，控制不住了。速度很快的时候，感觉车真的不好把握，失控一般。 开了卡丁车，觉得开车似乎应该不算太难。连我这么笨的人都能开着卡丁车跑圈，开车应该可以学会。不过，在路上可能会开的比较慢。但是时间长了，也许会开快的，在美国很容易学开快车的。似乎方向盘很重要，要感觉到车子在自己的掌控之下，那样心里感觉才安全。我还是太保守了，似乎开赛车不应该像我这样的。不知道将来学会了开车会怎样。丢人的事情也没什么可怕，有时候觉得自己挺傻挺呆的，但是，存在就有价值，存在就又存在的理由，接受自己现在的样子，好好活就好了，不用胡思乱想。 June 25 I should have something to do all the time发现自己一刻也不能闲下来，一旦闲下来，总要找点事做。不干正事，当然就干点杂活了，如果写这个也算杂活的话。 生活很快安定下来了。前天刚从房东那搬到了学生宿舍，宿舍条件还可以，一张床，比我在美国的那个床垫好多了。就是太冷了，被子太薄，昨天我已经跑去买了一条毯子，晚上感觉好多了。觉得这边的东西还挺贵的，比如衣服啊。还没有好好逛过街，这个周末可能去逛逛。不过，肯定是window shopping。 实验室的活动挺多的，这样晚上就不至于太寂寞了，一个人待在宿舍里独对孤灯实在不是好主意。上周去了pub，跟一个牛人聊了很多。他很幽默，问他在做什么，回答make sure my intern is doing the right thing every day。他还请我喝了一杯饮料。然后我mentor (IR出身，对machine learning)极感兴趣，就开始请教大牛问题了。我也试图解答mentor的问题，但总不能解答到位，很是惭愧。那天除了感觉高兴之外，就是惭愧了，回到家来翻开牛人的主页一顿狂看，补习了一些知识。总觉得自己学的东西不扎实，很多理论都是听说过，或者看过几篇文章，掌握的不够深入。看来PhD期间还要多加强。 周五他们去打羽毛球了，我已经办了健身卡，跑去游泳了，游泳池很小，人不是很多。现在老觉得自己越游越烂了，不知道则么搞的。 周六去看了两个college，建筑很漂亮，可惜自己不怎么懂。晚上去听了singing on the river，就是学生们站在船上，在河面上合唱。虽然不懂音乐，但觉得他们唱的挺好，中间还有很多幽默的东西，英语太差，还不能体会。就是太冷了，在外面冻了一个小时，这里的夏天太诡异了，纬度太高了，适合天文观察，印象里好多天文观察都是在这里吧。 决定有机会去一下教堂，参加他们的service，感受一下。 下周活动多多，mentor去度假了，公司给我们这些人也安排了一些活动，我还可以玩玩。现在的生活极其单纯啊，今晚可能先和大家一起吃饭，聊天，然后去看transformer。这一年多美国大片没少看。 June 19 Do I miss my family?今天mentor问我，想不想家，我说不想，没时间想。周中肯定是对着电脑，不管干啥，都叫工作。周末想着出去逛，好好看看各处风情。所以啊，没时间想家。我室友说的好，吃饱喝足不想家。不知道儿女在外面闯是不是爸妈的福气，不在外面可以守着他们，他们也不必想我们了。现在基本是父母想我想的厉害。没事的时候一般不想家，有事的时候才想家。这也像一些朋友，平时想不起来，有事才会想起，哪怕好久不见，感觉依然没变。每个人大概都有几个这样的人吧。有就够了，有个家，有几个朋友，也算有根了。等将来有了自己的家，也不知道是什么感觉。总希望自己不要长那么快，现在就刚刚好，不用背责任，不用愁生活，自由自在，还是别人的女儿，还有父母牵挂着。真好。 June 13 wake up at 3:00 am 凌晨3：40，半小时前就醒了，估计半小时之后才能入睡，连续几天了，除了报道那一天，第一天早上10点半起的床，之后早上9点40起床，早饭不吃，到实验室再啃面包，喝饮料。一般早上都是11点才能到实验室，不是跑去开银行账户，就是跑去买电源转换器。老迷路，自己也不在乎，骑着自行车最后总能到想到的地方。今天早上起来还得去看看哪能办快递，下午去健身房看看，办张卡，公司报销，得好好锻炼身体了，每次骑自行车都累的要命，就那我还是骑的最慢的。不知道是车子的问题还是我的问题，连个小坡都爬不上，真丢人。 昨天晚上本来想写的，脑子里很多事情，总觉得始终都没理清头绪，总算把一些事务性的事务办了，好不容易刷到了一个interview，下周一去伦敦。总觉得正事进展的很慢，头脑几乎不能思考，每天脑子都乱哄哄的，想着一堆杂事。晚上现在这会儿倒挺清醒的，想睡都睡不着。 生活慢慢会安定下来了。现在还不知道吃饭的问题怎么解决，每天早饭倒是可以吃面包，喝点牛奶，公司有牛奶和饮料。中饭一般都是和实验室组里的人一起吃，一个剑桥某个系的食堂，能吃饱，别的也不敢奢求。就是晚饭，不知道怎么办，现在可好，每顿晚饭都在外面吃，估计这样的日子还要持续一周，等到搬到学生宿舍，或许可以找个地方吃晚饭。中午吃饭的地方老要付现金，比较麻烦。我以前从来没数过硬币的，早就不会数钱了，也不会算减法，只好把一兜硬币哗啦啦倒出来，随收银元去捡。刚来的那天，打包了半块pizza，都没找到地方加热，当时感觉很不爽，又回到艰苦的日子里了。不是所有的人都会向你微笑，为你提供帮助。慢慢的就好了，最终那半块pizza还是扔垃圾箱了。刚到一个地方总是要尝点苦头，想当初刚到美国的时候，之所以一切都还顺利，除了抬床垫累个半死之外，都是因为师兄们帮忙，指给我们买菜的地方，有地方住，住的地方还可以做饭。现在就是住的地方难找，没地方做饭。刚开始一个房东是老太太，很古板，提供的早饭我一样都吃不下，面包干，硬，其他干粮也都没什么味。问她能不能用一下微波炉，她竟然反问我是不是有误解，她只提供早餐，她那里不是酒店。No cooking.以后我就再也没提了。过了几天，告诉我没法住了，她要走。我心想你走了，我可以帮你看家啊，可是她就是不让我住了。那天早上我挨个打电话，还好公司给了个座机，可以打电话。最后定了一个酒店。下午收到她的邮件说她跟邻居商量好了，可以让我搬到她邻居那里。谢天谢地，邻居的屋子极小，估计以前是当书房，或者放杂物用的。总算有了个地方，可以睡觉，我就知足了。 我的房东很有意思，话特别多，什么事都爱打听，还嘲笑我见到他的第一句话就是一晚上多少钱。想想也觉得不好意思，没办法，我现在没有cash，美元都不管用，向mentor借了200元，下周就要弹尽粮绝，估计周中能拿到银行卡，还得问公司先支出点。记得我第一天报道就跟hr说能不能搞点钱，现在想想这样估计给人的印象极差。唉，脑子都不转了，傻里傻气的。过了前两个星期，生活就安定下来了。 越写越精神了，都不知道早上几点钟能起床。这边天亮的很早，晚上黑的很晚，昨天都快10点了还很亮。现在，凌晨四点，甚至是半小时前，天就蒙蒙亮了，小鸟已经开始吊嗓子了。太冷了，带的裙子都没有用武之地了，估计短袖都少有用处，还得抽时间买外套。幸亏还带了一件毛衣，几件薄外套。 June 10 Something差不多安定下来了，今天早上还为找房子的事到处打电话，刚刚收到现在房东的邮件，她给我介绍了一个邻居，我可以住在他那里。邻居是比尔盖茨的忠实FANS，我想，他都要让我帮他打听盖茨周五的演讲了，事实上我只知道盖茨今天到这里来，任何其他都不知道。 昨天跟我的MENTORS和組里的其他人一起吃饭，PASTA，还不错。之后去了电影院。组里的人大都很年轻，比较让人不解的是他们骑车暴快，在这里去哪大部分人都是骑车。昨天跟他们一起骑到吃饭的地方，累死我了。中间他们还等了我好几次。到了地方，我浑身都是汗。这里很冷，跟我想象的差很多，觉得应该跟我在美国待的地方温度差不多，结果感觉像冬天，我都恨不得戴手套，早上出门的时候，外罩感觉一点都不管用。好久不骑车了，蹬一个上坡都觉得很费劲。今天中午一起吃饭，发现他们吃饭也居快，我感觉我吃饭速度也不慢，跟他们一比差的太远了。 这个实验室人不是很多，但都是精英，来之前我老板就说这里挺好的。而且，我也知道几个特别牛的人在这里。我有两个MENTOR，一个搞IR的，一个搞MACHINE LEARNING的，搞MACHINE LEARNING的挺牛的。不过，早就记住了唐总的那句话，不是说你到了某个地方跟了某个人你就牛了，而是说因为你牛你才到了某个地方，跟了某个人。 June 09 New comer at CambridgeI arrived at London on Sunday morning. Today I came to the lab. Exhausted. I had no cash. My mentor told me not to purchase pounds. This lead to that I borrowed his ATM card. He is generous. I lived in bed & breakfast. It was very cold. Worse than I expected. I had to pay the lady cash for rent. She only served breakfast. However, breakfast is not delicious. Lots of things are annoying. I could not find delicious food. I was always hungry. This morning I woke up at 4:45. I was very hungry. After that, I fell asleep again. I dreamed that my sister cooked me some food. She used the lady’s kitchen for cooking. But I was told that cooking was not allowed. I worried that my sister would be kicked out. After a while, even in my dream, I told myself it was time to get up. I opend my eyes reluctantly. I found that I was terribly hungry. I went downstairs to get some food. There was only bread which was as hard as steel. I had some hot water. Milk was code. I thought I should find a supermarket and buy some bread. It took me about one hour, maybe more to get to MSR building. Even Cambridge is small, it still takes some time. In the morning I listened to the talks given by Human Resource and IT managers. I am glad that my mentors are very nice. They took me to lunch. As you know, the lunch was not delicious. It was too spicy. I had a little and felt that I was full. However, after a while, I became hungry again. In the afternoon, first I talked with my mentors. We had a short meeting, discussing the project that I will work on. Then I went to city center to open a bank account and rent a bike. It was pretty annoying. I decided to go to the bank first, since I heard that it would be close at 5. When I got there, it was a quarter past 4. There was a long queue. The receptor asked me to make an appointment for tomorrow morning. I did that. Then I went to rent a bike. I went the wrong way. I was not good at reading maps. I asked a passer-by. She told me every place is close at 5. There was no hope I could rent a bike today. Oh, I did nothing this afternoon. I took a bus back to the lab. I installed the software. I was exhausted. I also need to buy a watch. My mobile phone does not work. It could not show the time. I also need a power charter convertor. I could not find a place to buy it. Everything becomes difficult when you go to a new place. Anyway, I am glad I am here. Tomorrow I need to rent a bike, open an account, talk with one of my mentors, attend our regular group meeting. The monitor is smaller than what I had in Amherst. I have to use windows again. I found that I almost forgot everything about windows. England is pretty different from US. Everything is smaller in size. Everything is closer to each other. The road is narrow. I like it. After I rent a bike, I can hang around. May 31 非常秋天 中篇小说推荐，徐小斌中篇小说新作，《非常秋天》，里面的小说，除了最后一部有些诡异，其余的我都很喜欢，适合女生看。故事特别纯，也有很多是悲剧，带着伤感，但我很喜欢，喜欢特别纯的那种感觉。看看书后的题词就知道了，“感知女性，为爱坚守付出的震撼，启迪人生，求真不懈追求的思想”，下联个人觉得有些牵强，上联却很贴切。每个小说的主角都是漂亮的女孩或者女人，他们的故事都是那样动人心弦。作者有句话我印象深刻，“幸福是很危险的，幸福与安全感不是同在的”，大致是这么说的。好多天不看中文书，好多天也不曾读到这样的小说了，很喜欢。也看过英文的小说，始终觉着隔着语言，很多东西自己不明白。还是中文的东西，自己深有体会。不知道这些动人的故事作家是从哪里来的灵感？ May 16 First year, second semester ends 这学期算结束了吧，刚刚结束了考试，特别累。等会儿去参加cooking party，实验室组织的，在老板家里。好好放松一下，下星期就可以好好干活了。这学期没怎么干活，拖拖拉拉的，进展很慢，课程压力很大。暑假就要来了，希望一切顺利，千万不要在阴沟里翻船。实验室的人很nice，系里的师兄也愿意抽出时间跟我讨论。感谢他们，老板也还好。总之还不错，难免出些小差错，偶尔郁闷一把。最近牙疼，特别不爽，今晚估计也只能吃些点心。实验室里美国人多，感觉英语长进了不少，不错。前些天去洗牙了，以致于看见一个人就狂观察人家的牙齿。乱七八糟写了一些，可见考试之后人都变成白痴了，考试害人不浅。 May 02 SDM 2009 Glad that Reno airport has free internet. Before boarding, I decided to write something about SDM. The conference has a pretty tight schedule. Two days for proceedings and one day for workshop. I skip workshop. It happens today. I have to get back to Amherst and I have lots of work to do. SDM has some high quality papers. They invited famous researchers to give talks. I met lots of excellent Chinese researchers there. Especially I met some researchers from NEC Research the second time. The first time was in NIPS. Yesterday evening NEC sponsored dinner and they gave very cool demo. One demo can detect whether you are a dangerous driver or not. You can drive and they detect your dangerous level. Another demo is very interesting. Standing in front of the camera, the system can capture your face and tell your gender, age and race. I do not know why I am older. After standing in front of the camera for a few minutes, my age grows to 30 even 40. Kai Yu had a demo and I presented him a challenging task. He was doing object recognition. I put my plate with one egg roll on the desk and ask the system to learn this new category. The system reported error. Haha, not robust enough. After he restart his system, it can learn the new category. Shenghuo also showed the visualization of topic, community and the correlation between top words in one topic. They are working on blog mining. They employ topic model to discover community and the community’s evolution patterns. I heard from Fei Wang that Shenghuo is good at coding and maths. I also learned that his advisor is Andrew’s advisor. I first met him in NIPS. Glad to see him again. Maybe sometime in future I will join him to do summer intern. Fei Wang also gave lots of presentations. I guess lots of people from China could not be here due to visa problems. They asked Fei to present for them. Fei published several papers this year. I heard that Tao Li is struggling for funding. Money is the basic condition. Thanks to my labmates, I had a good trip and had my rehearsal. In our session, Sameer and I gave good presentations. Our summarization work intrigued some audience. One person pointed out whether our model can be trained online. Given a query, can we give the summary in real time? I think Jie may implement this in ArenetMiner. The session chair also commented on the specificity of the query and argued that we should not average over all different scenarios. I agreed with him. Summarization is still not state-of-the-art. On Thursday I had lunch with Fei Wang, Chris Ding and lots of other people. Chris Ding is very interesting. On Thursday I heard a talk which employed an online algorithm to do activity prediction. They are working on helping people manage their activities, basically intelligent management or something. I talked to the speaker. He told me that my boss had lots of collaborations with his advisor. However, I did not know his advisor. He laughed at me for a long time. After I checked with my labmates, I knew that his advisor was a great guy. I still could not spell his advisor’s name. As the audience, we can tell that some people gave good presentations and some not. I think I need more practice. Presentation is not like just reading or reciting. I lacked the interaction with audience. My labmate did a good job. He always looked at the audience. I think I only looked at the audience at the very beginning. After that I focused on my slides. I went over the slides very quickly. I did not realize that. I should slow down. Anyway the presentation turns out good. Jie trusted me. Thanks to Jie. He is unlucky to get his visa checked. He will come to US anyway. And I heard lots of good news from Jie. Great. Wonderful. April 18 谋事在人，成事在天 人生从来都不完美。好事多磨，这句话一点都不假，多磨的好事有时候也会变成坏事。成事需要多个环节，多种因素，他们相互制约，缺了任何一环都不行。成事了值得庆贺，也不能太忘乎所以，因为偶然的因素太多，不光是因为个人的努力，当然个人的努力占很大一部分。对环境我有了很深的体会，以前去办某些自己极想办到的事的时候总是期望自己去找的每一个人都会给自己提供方便，甚至牺牲他们自己的时间为自己做事。后来发现，不是这样，其实这也不符合客观事实，也不知道自己脑子哪根筋除了毛病，就以为别人帮自己是天经地义。后来明白了很多，期望值也就越来越低，慢慢地学会了忍耐，学会了乐观，这些东西都是生活教给我的。想起别人来找自己帮忙的时候，如果自己有事，可能也会把别人的事情放一放。想想自己怎么对别人，再想想别人怎么对自己，慢慢就会谅解，谅解每个人。没有人是万能的，也不能把希望寄托在别人身上。这样，认识我的人都说我很独立，那是因为缺乏对人的信任吧，也是因为自认为看世事看的清楚。也许是性格吧，想的太多，这种性格也许会孤单吧。期望值低，也就不会太失望。事情经多了，也就看的开了，没有了大喜大悲的人生不知是好是坏。不管怎样，原则依然是照顾好自己，该求人时求人，帮了是人情，不帮是本分，谁也怪不得。就算大家都尽力，也许老天爷还不肯帮忙呢。别人求自己也是能帮则帮，帮不了也别硬撑着，也别不好意思。人生就是这样，没有人和事是完美的。不要抱怨，只要尽力就成。 即便这样，心情也会特别不好。我看过英文的科学家传记，因为有语言的隔膜，只知道他们的心情有时候也会特别的不好，不一定是因为科研没做好，我也没看懂是因为什么，但我知道一点，他们从科学里寻找慰藉，似乎科学能给他们安慰。我离那种境界还差的远，但自认为自己注定是个寂寞的人，生活简单，去哪里寻找慰藉呢，或许也只有工作了。只是现在提起科研还有些怕，怕失败吧，遇到问题就很沮丧，但鉴于没有别的事情可做，我看还是硬着头皮做吧。我说过，生活不完美，科研也是，一直觉得要做一个特别好的工作，搞清楚所有的细节，结果发现不可能，未知的东西太多，只能做一步看一步，尽量做的细，做的好。以后还是得勇敢一点，没什么好怕的，天不会塌，地不会陷。 还有，管好自己就行了，不用操心别人，你活的好，别人也就说两句，开两句玩笑，你活的不好，别人也是说两句，议论两句，这些都跟自己没关系，嘴长在别人身上，更何况也许你也会议论别人呢。好好走自己的路，该来的总是要来的，该承受的就得承受。也不要羡慕别人，我往往在自己处于低谷的时候羡慕别人，没有用，只要自己努力就好了。别人的是别人的，欣然接受就好了。这点很难做到，但是难做到的事也要尽力去做，练的多了自然就做到了。对，练习，任何事都得练习，大事小事，多留意，多上心，总会有收获。 得到的总是用失去的换来的，永远是收支平衡的，得到了别骄傲，失去了别伤心，伤心也不要伤心太久，骄傲也别骄傲太久，生活是平淡的，平淡的生活是为了下一个骄傲的时刻，也是为了度过下一个伤心的时刻，平静的生活也最能创造财富。很多科学家得奖之后最担心的事情就是生活不再是原来的样子，他们没办法继续工作，继续他们心爱的事业。以前这一点一直没想清楚，一直希望出去折腾，现在总算有些明白，最近出去都会感到心里空虚，没有以前那种特别喜悦的心情。我对精神世界要求太高了吧，精神总得有所寄托的。当然，依然不成熟，依然喜欢折腾，但你看到我折腾的时候不用羡慕，因为折腾总是要付出代价的，有些折腾有必要，能让自己成熟，有些也许就没有必要。现在不再期待别人会给我带来什么惊人的消息，而是认真规划自己明天的生活。这学期太不务正业了，总是检讨总是也不改进，现在明白光检讨是不行的，如果不行动就不要假装检讨，检讨完了就抓紧行动。会好起来的，做什么都可以就是不该悲伤，或者忧伤。总是有事情可做的，天大的事不会发生，所以生活可以继续，没问题。 祝愿各位朋友生活的好，有家的好好照顾家，工作的好好工作，上学的好好上学，别烦，千万别烦，烦没用，行动就好了，该干啥干啥，就是别烦。 April 15 About birthday Today is my labmate sameer's birthday. They had a deadline this morning. They stayed in the lab last night. I saw the cake in the morning. I heard that last night, around 11:45pm, lots of Indian people came in our lab to celebrate sameer's birthday. I am glad to hear that. This reminds me my roommate's birthday. We had a party in our apartment. She invited about 10 people. I am glad we have some friends here. When you grow up, you will miss your parents, your friends. They are the most important. My principle is first taking care of myself, then connecting with friends frequently. Best wishes to my friends. March 17 Keep on writing Today I talked with Andrew. I started working on something new to me. At the start, I always feel difficult. He advised me writing down something on my mind, even something that is garbage. This inspired me about my blog. Sometimes I can come up with good blog posts that is because I keep writing. So I continue my writing. This week is spring break. We went out last two days. In this week, I also discovered that lab is as usual. It is good to have Andrew here in the holidays. In weekdays he was always out of town. When he is here, almost everybody is here. I will be here struggling with my new project, writing down something. Come back to our travel. We went to an island that is near Boston. We have 7 people, three boys and four girls. We have two drivers and two cars. We see lots of beaches, the same as last Christmas trip. We also take a steamship to an island that is said to be famous for lots of famous peoples’ houses there. But to be honest, we say none of the houses. We only say a cliff that is not really a cliff. The steamship impressed me best. It’s comfortable and stable. It has comfortable chairs and tables, a small shop serving some food. When you sit near the window, you can see the water clearly. In the front, you will feel the high-speed wind. We also went to a place called Provincetown, also known as gay town. Unfortunately we arrived there late. We only had dinner there and did not have a close look at gays. But I thought the man who showed us the restaurant would be a gay. He is handsome and nice. Even all shops are closed, through the window; I can tell that they sell men’s clothes. There are also some paints about masculinity. You can tell its characteristics from some details. Yesterday morning we went to see the sunrise. Actually we saw nothing since the driver took us to the wrong place. The sea is peaceful not as what I saw during Christmas. We went to Boston harbor. It is beautiful. We had dinner at a famous Sichuan restaurant. It was delicious. March 01 back from swimming 刚游泳回来，很累，但是心里舒坦多了。游泳之前百无聊赖，书也看不进去。最近状态都不是特别好，心情烦躁不安。昨天没睡好，今天效率也不是特别高。记得一位老师说过她很喜欢游泳，泡在游泳池里就什么烦恼也没有了。我虽然游的不好，但还挺喜欢的，比较放松。运动能舒缓情绪，减缓压力，道理许多人都懂，很多时候都没做到。以后还是会多注意锻炼身体，放松心情，也许像某人说的，不一定每天高标准严要求就能出活，该紧则紧，该松则松，以前唐总也教过我这个的。 刚刚给家里打了电话，爸妈都起的比较早，本该今天早上打的，昨晚没睡好，早上急着来学校，就没打了。妈妈一直等到晚上11点多。太惦记我了吧。今天一打电话妈妈就连催着我赶快回家，晚上在外面不安全。在等公交，抽空写点，回去要炒个土豆，最近生活混乱，青菜吃的很少，几乎天天吃肉，虾都差点要吃伤了。还是要多吃青菜，每天最好是以青菜为主，肉有那么点就行了，照爸爸的话说，就是“见肉见肉”，零星分布一些就成。而且最近好像比较上火，嘴都有点烂了。 February 20 Why am I in a hurry? 在实验室写报告写的烦躁不堪。我恨不得一两分钟就把它搞定。后来草草搞了一个版本，先放那了。拎起书包回家，一路上都在想我为什么这么着急。每次写有关学术的东西都是越写越没劲，咋看咋觉得写的烂。过几天去改的时候就更没激情了。每次写都想把东西写好，可偏偏又写不好。每次都说今天少写一点，分几次写完，偏偏每次都恨不得一下写完。 由此联想到自己做事情好像特别没耐心，读文章如果有激情还能比较认真地读完，不然就恨不得三下两下看完。要说读文章跟工作有关，有些厌烦想应付差事可以理解，看小说也是没耐性，刚开始还可以逐字逐句地看，后来就一目十行，知道大致内容，而且每次都要坚持看到结局。 在国内的时候一旦遇上要排队，头一下就大了，心里烦乱无比，好像自己的时间比任何人都宝贵，站在那像热锅上的蚂蚁，无法安生。刚出国的时候，英语也说不好，遇上要跟人交涉就特急。记得请人到家里修东西，那人都说我不patient，他甚至都不认识我。后来慢慢觉得自己应该会变的耐心一些，因为这里宽松的生存环境，人们都是那么耐心。谁知道还是不行，做作业恨不得三下五除二搞定，上学期刚开始还很认真，到后来每次作业都是交差了事。这学期前两次作业都没认真做，第一次得分极低，自己又很担心。看到实验室里一个搞学术很牛的人做作业做的那样认真，心里又开始责备自己。我为什么这么着急？实验结果不好也着急，每次都说要好好分析，可是都还没静下心来特别仔细地看问题。 想起以前还有考试地时候，本科，考研的时候，那时要多认真有多认真，题目可以认真琢磨好多遍，考研之前模考一本正经的，上研之后对上课考试就再没那么认真了。我想了想是不是自己又开始急功近利了，课程成绩不再是主要的评价标准，我就不那么上心了。不知道从什么时候起做事情有了这么强烈的目的性，不再享受做事情的过程，眼睛只盯着目标。接触了学术体会了一把那些目标有多么难达到，又变的有些灰心丧气，缺乏自信。想起来很久都不再享受学习和做东西的快乐，没有了享受的意识，只想着赶快搞定。 急是急不来的，急躁的时候干什么事情也都没效率，结果是浪费了很多时间，反而是不急不躁的人稳扎稳打前进的更多。做事情还是不要太功利了，生活不是一条直线直通目的地啊。 还发现了自己一大陋习，没事干的时候就盼望着有个什么消息，有个什么期待。有人问过一个问题，你的人生是在等待和选择中度过吗？我想我有时候是吧，耐不住寂寞的时候，手头没事情做的时候，总是在等待，等待有事情发生。很久才明白，时间都在等待中过去了。自己总要主动一些，有事情做，不要等待。现在大家跟外界联系的途径大概就是网络吧，我可以把等待特指为查邮件，每次都盼望着有封新邮件能带来一些新信息。其实一项研究表明你收到什么邮件你大概都可以预测的，也就是说惊喜比较少有。所以不要指望等到什么消息。手头有事做的时候就好多了，忙的顾不上查邮件，省了很多时间，心里也会充实很多。 最后一段似乎和主题差的远些，细想想也是有关系的，如果没事做，心里急躁，那就会找事做，那些用来kill time的事就是浏览网页，去系里或者学校办办什么手续之类的。 February 10 倾诉 今天觉得很累，下午在课堂上几度会了周公，时睡时醒，困的要命。晚上很早就回来了，煮了点汤圆，热了点菜，吃玩就觉得困。还好没立马睡下，刷锅洗碗都干完了放上一部什么科幻片当背景音乐，倒头就睡了。睡的极其沉，醒来得时候出了一身的汗，眼睛死活也不想睁开，起来后还觉得脑子不清醒。准备明天的饭菜，完了之后又研究了一道题，觉得很饿，又吃了一通。现在倒不是很困了。 想写blog，其实也不知道要写什么，现在就没词了。还是从比较容易说的说起吧，估计最后又是流水账了。 昨天去看了中国学生办的新年晚会，节目还不错。但是从小我就知道那个舞台不属于我，妈妈也曾抱怨我们五音不全，连歌都不会唱。说起来我还在晚会上扮演了一个角色，帮我roommate翻乐谱。后来想想心里其实有些不爽，觉得特傻。我从来都是要强的人，不愿意做这样的配角，长这么大了，见了若干牛人，依然会对这些事很敏感。还好，那不是我特别在意的事。想想自己还是很容易受伤，只不过身边的人都比较聪明，比较gentle，了解也都不那么深，自己也在保护自己，还是可以避免一些伤害的。但是总是难免偶尔触动心里面特别脆弱的一块，会难受一下子。一直希望有个人可以在见到我最狼狈的样子之后，看见我n多笨拙的表现之后还能够包容我，可是又会问自己，凭什么，凭什么会有那么一个人那样包容我呢？ 想起跟爸妈也只有表面的沟通了，现在不知道跟谁才算深层次的沟通呢？朋友的定义似乎都比较模糊了，很少会跟人探讨一些东西了。其实我也搞不清楚自己算是很有思想的人呢还是算是比较简单的人呢。因为我很容易被看透的。但是自己也会有很多思考，尤其在伤心的时候。 每个周末都想出去玩。无论是在西安，北京还是这里。记得本科的时候，周末不是去图书大厦消磨时光，就是一个人在大街上闲逛。那时侯也很渴望有人陪，也曾经努力找人陪，最终很多时间都是自己消磨的。前段时间去机场的时候还在想一个人注定孤独，即便你有家庭，朋友。有时候你总是要孤独地面对。本科可能就被这些观点左右着吧。记得考研的日子，伤心的事情也很多，烦心的时候，复习不进去，就会去南二环上走，经常听到陕西的秦腔。不知道这个世界上是不是有很多像我这样的人，小时候老师都说我爱独来独往来着。上了研究生，越发觉得孤独。周末的时候就去动物园对面逛逛。竟然发现买衣服有时候也能给我带来乐趣。当然，北京的书店我是经常光顾的，中关村图书大厦提供椅子，周末就会骑车去看看书。很郁闷的时候也会跑去逃避一下现实。记得一个特别伤心的日子，一个人骑着车在北大西边乱逛，最后竟然到了那个比较远的shopping mall。后来弟弟来了，也就拉上他一起去逛。现在周末的选择只能是walmart那边的几个衣服店了。书店不常去了，因为无法区分英文书的好坏。听从实验室某人的建议办了一张卡，但是哪本书值得看还得请教另一个人。他的兴趣爱好和我有些不同。我还是看完了他推荐的第一本书，蛮好看的，后来又看了那本书的续集，不怎么好看，也就走马观花了事。衣服店买衣服也还不错，多数时间买了衣服自己也挺开心的。有一次元旦附近，去逛了一次比较远的mall，说实话不是很开心。逛街也要看心情的，心情好了买衣服就开心，心情不好了买衣服也不开心。一个人也去看过几次电影，这边看电影比较便宜。看到影院里的美国人也都是有朋有伴的，自己也不会没有感触。还好，如果生活顺利，我就不会情绪波动太大。 来读phd不单单是为了学位了，我不再想着一味的要发文章了，生活最重要。曾经问自己到底什么是我想要的生活。不是苦着脸一天到晚的干活，而是要开心。每天有事情做，不管难与简单，能让自己保持忙碌，保持思考，就好。每天也要给自己留出时间，想放松一下就放松一下，想出去玩就出去玩，多和新鲜空气亲密接触。每天坐bus，和空气接触的时间极短。所以我每次吃玩午饭，都会出来逛逛，尽管天冷，脑子也会很清醒。晚上会很早回家。住的地方挺舒服的，像现在这样，可以安安静静的写写东西。以前不明白有些人为什么喜欢晚上工作，其实晚上特安静，心里也可能更有想法。但是我还不习惯熬夜，一定要保证每天多睡。最近该提醒自己好好锻炼身体了。觉得身体特虚，很容易觉得累。看到实验室的人赶deadline赶的那么拼命，就要嘱咐自己保重身体。 挺喜欢写blog这种状态，像把自己催眠一样，回忆过去，想像一些美好的东西，即便在特别伤心的时候，心里也会舒坦许多。记得以前都是对着日记本倾诉，字写的很难看，后来也不会去看。现在可以对着屏幕敲字，以后偶尔想起要看以前写的东西还很容易。挺好，像跟人聊天一样，慢慢学会了倾诉，心里也就没什么负担了，明天的路也会更好走一些吧。 January 23 One night in BDL Spending one night at the airport is bad. But fortunately I met someone. It’s impossible that I will talk to somebody initiatively. If somebody talks to me, I would like to talk back. A man first greeted me by saying “glad to meet you”. He missed his flight and had to spend one night in the airport. My plan is to do some coding. After I open the computer and connected to the internet, I felt like watching movie. I can not access hulu. Fortunately, I can watch desperate housewives. They are on baidu. I watched two episodes. After that, I browsed some webpages. But I found it boring. I wanted to find some interesting novels. It is really difficult to find excellent novels on the internet. I haven’t read Chinese novels for about five months. It could not be possible in China. I went back to coding. I wanted to implemented an algorithm. It was not difficult. After a while, I implemented it. I also got the idea that I could improve the implementation. It was a little cold. I found that I could not go on coding. I tried to find some place to spend the night. I went downstairs. There were sofas. However, too cold. I went upstairs again. That was when I met the man, Sammy for the second time. He showed me to the hotel in the airport. Its lobby was open. We sat there and talked a lot. I was not good at talking with strangers. He had lots of questions and he knew communication better. I am pleased we can talk a lot. I don’t remember where we started. During the way to the hotel lobby, he gave me his card. He owned a company at Miami. He was proud of his company. He told me he listened to his employees and share their experience. They worked for him not because of this power but of his personality. He studied finance. I also learned that he had a great family. He was from Europe. His mother and father lived in France. I am sorry to hear that his father passed away. His father was a professor. So was his mother. When he was young, his parents took them to lots of countries, middle east. His parents were not rich. But they knew how to raise their kids. He has sisters. One of his sister studies law and her husband studies math. The other sister’s husband had a chain store for some French food. It reminded me at first he asked what I am doing in computer science, and who is my hero in computer science. He is good at asking questions. I told him about academia and industry. He also asked me what I am going to do after my graduation. I should consider this problem. We also talked about whether computer scientist are known by people or not. He kept asking about how I chose computer science as my major. I am glad to discover that we can communicate with each other almost without language barrier. He talked about his company. He used to work 17 hours a day when he started his own company. He knew how to communicate with his employees. He studied finance. He studied Asian marketing. He had lots of questions about China. We talked about the morrow. I thought I knew this word. It is related to morality. Chinese people are really clever and powerful. The problem is that can the government direct the people to the right place. In my words, it is whether the morality thing will be compatible with the physical stuff, i.e. economy. He knew Chairman Mao. He kept asking my comments on Mao. He was a good listener. I told him lots of things about Chinese empire, the king, his wives, his mothers and so on. He watched some Chinese movies, maybe about Wu Zetian or Ci Xi. He kept asking me the role of king’s mother. He also asked abut Chinese civilization. Why Chinese people are loyal. Whether now Chinese is governed by some noble family. I told him in dynasties, one family took over another to become the king. Nowadays it was not like that. He was not American. We had the same feeling that sometimes we are lonely. This afternoon on the bus I was thinking about loneliness. I told him my feelings. He kept encouraging me to work hard, to find friends, and to have fun. Here everybody minds their own business. Nobody will care about you. He says everything you do today will pay you back. Close your eyes, open your eyes. Four years is gone. Yes. I should be positive. I am glad to hear these words in US. I do not have opportunities to talk like this. On the bus this afternoon I think I should find somebody that I can share my feelings. Now I am waiting for my flight. He left. He asked me to call him when I land. I will. If I have chances to visit Miami, I could pay him a visit. I do not know how to put these things together to form a good essay now. Just to record them. December 29 New York, New Jersey, & Philadelphia这次旅行虽然多有波折，不过还是很值得记一记。 同行五人，三位男士，两位女士。男士比较费心劳力，有人负责租车，有人负责订酒店，有人负责查询路线。我负责后勤，买吃的，其实这个我不在行，还是发起人他比较在行，我们一起去超市买了很多东西。后来我发现我的职责是付过路费，一路上n处要交过路费，不亚于中国。我负责缴费，后来也负责记账。有一位号称懂财务，我最后把记录的东西都交给他了，我懒得动脑筋算账，何况我现在算加减法都有问题。 圣诞节前一天，早上8点半，我捧着一本小说安心等待租车的和开车的两位男士来接。我不指望8点半能走人，9点半我觉得可能性比较大。结果等到10来点，毫无动静，实在忍不住了，打了一个电话。没人接，很快收到对方来电，第一句话就是“出事了”。原来我们订的车被取消了，据解释原因是两位司机都不到25岁。一个上午三位男士都在疯狂寻找租车公司，我在家负责帮他们查电话。最后总算在离家1个多小时车程的地方租到了一辆车。 下午两点多钟，我们启程赶往纽约。计划是晚上去曼哈顿最热闹的地方看圣诞树。天黑的很早，赶到纽约的时候大家都饥肠辘辘了。决定到法拉盛吃饭，那个地方是中国人聚居地，结果我们把地址搞错了，费了九牛二虎之力才到达目的地。吃了一顿饭迅速开往曼哈顿。此时是圣诞节前夜，相当于大年三十，曼哈顿果然很热闹，时代广场那片灯火辉煌，人头攒动，圣诞树装饰的极其漂亮，有一个溜冰场特别吸引人。我们有幸看到一个经典求婚场面，男子单腿跪地在溜冰场正中间向他所爱的人求婚。 大约午夜12点多钟我们开车赶往newark的酒店。第二天我们要赶去大西洋城，她是一个赌城，也是一个沿海旅游城市，在那里可以看到大海。这次旅行很大部分时间我都在看海，看大西洋城的大西洋海岸，看cape may的海岸，看机场jfk附近一个海岛的海岸。我喜欢波涛汹涌的大海，一望无际的大海。之前一直没有看过海，看到的只能算是湖或者是海湾，这次总算看了个够。尤其是jfk附近的那个海岛，海浪极大，海风也很大，吹的沙子直往脖子里钻。 来到大西洋城我们沿着木板路走了一段就上了沙滩，这是我此次旅行第一次看到海。我感受了海的辽阔，一望无际，一浪推着一浪涌向沙滩。有些浪是黑色的，到了沙滩又显现出白色。海边有些鸟儿，贝壳大多都被踩碎了。沿着沙滩走了很久，最后还是去了赌场。赌场很豪华，一楼乌烟瘴气，因为允许吸烟的缘故，都是老虎机。二楼空气稍微好些，赌的也各式各样，我总算见到了电视里出现的场面，一堆人围着赌桌，十分兴奋。或许男生对赌博比较感兴趣，我只是好奇，看看也就作罢。 次日，我们来到cape may去看灯塔。这里又是一个很长的海滩，我们到的时候是上午，大海相对比较平静，没有大西洋城那种后浪催前浪的感觉。不过，大海依然一望无际，沙滩很舒服，留下了游人无数的脚印。灯塔就是以前为船指路的，很多灯塔现在可能已经不用了，我们去看的这个依然在使用。登上塔顶，可以俯瞰大海，感觉很爽。登塔的楼梯是螺旋型，每隔一段就有一个窗口可以看外面的风景，窗口的位置，看景的角度各不相同，引得我大叫爽。塔顶风较大，四处可以看到小镇全貌和大海。 看完了灯塔我们驱车赶往费城。 费城是历史名城。当晚我们去看了city hall，因为周六不开门，我们只能晚上看一眼它的外壳。我很想再看一遍国家宝藏，领略一下city hall的内部风采。第二天我们看了铸币厂的大门，因为它也没开门。重点还是独立宫。这也是历史建筑，我们在里面接受了美国历史教育。下午去了一个博物馆，后来发现那个地方是小孩去的。我们还拿了学生证表示我们是大孩子。晚上去了宾大，走马观花地看了个遍。 今天一大早我们就往回赶。有一个同学要回国，我们在送她到机场之前去了普林。时间很短，又没有向导，我还脱离了群众，手机又落在了车里，匆匆看了几眼就走了。普林是个好地方，不过，搞研究不只是看学校。无论在哪里，努力做出成果是最主要的。 送走了一个人，离开机场我们去了jfk附近的海岛。那里大海波涛汹涌，比我们之前看到的大西洋要勇猛很多。浪很高很猛，风很大，人很少，沙滩很长，周围没有人家和店铺。 匆匆写下这些，头有点晕，可能是坐车坐的。早就很向往开车去兜风，在美国这个愿望很容易实现，这次更是过足了瘾。感谢同行的旅伴。 旅行期间曾经失眠，想的最多的是要尽快收心好好做点东西。一直觉得自己不能有效利用时间，工作没什么进展，一直鼓励自己，到现在付诸的行动还不够。不管怎样，我还是很喜欢旅游。最理想的状态是工作忙碌，有所成就，然后抽空就跟朋友去旅行。 December 13 Vancouver and Whistler I spent several days in Vancouver. It rained all day long. On Tuesday morning, I went out to see the sea view. It was nice that the hotel provided the customers one umbrella. I didn’t prepare for this. It seems that raining is normal and sunny is abnormal. I walked to the waterfront to see the water. There were lots of constructions there. I walked to a park. Nobody was there since it rained and it was week-day. I saw the airplane-like boat. They were like airplane, but they were on the water. It was difficult to see the mountains on the other side of the water. The following day I explored the city a little. I went to see the steam clock. I thought the clock should be bigger, like a giant. It took me a long time to find the clock. Finally I found out that it was not a giant. It was difficult to discover if you paid no attention. When it came to half an hour, it would knock the bell. The bell helped me find it. I took a close look at the clock. Lots of mechanical equipment is there. On the top of the clock, lots of steam gave out. After I looked at the steam clock, I went to China town. There was an international village there. I had my lunch there. It was cheaper than the food court in the shopping mall. Vancouver is a large city, with lots of skyscrapers and beautiful water. I was lucky. The last day we took a bus to whistler. It was not raining. You could see the mountains and the snow on the top of the mountains. On one side of the road is water. On the other side of the water are mountains. What a beautiful view! On the bus, I tried to tell stories to my lab mate using my poor English. I caught a nap on the bus. When we arrived at whistler, it was dark. The hotel is nice. The room is not larger but not small. We have one bedroom and a sofa bed. What surprises me is that we have a small kitchen in our room. It could not be called as a kitchen, since it is not a room. However, everything is available. Plates, wine glasses, dishwasher, knife, fork, pan, oven. I feel like being home. Yesterday evening we arrived at the hotel. We went to a grocery store to buy some food. Then I realized that somebody in our lab was going to cook for us. It was a great idea, although they did not cook Chinese food. We had a great dinner. That room was so popular. Lots of visitors came to join us. However, I was attempted to go to bed. I was tired. This morning the talks started early, at 7:30. My roommate got up early. I took some breakfast and quickly looked for the room where the talks were given. After sometime, I discovered that it was snowing outside. Whistler is famous for skiing. Lots of people are skiing. I just hang outside. The views are really beautiful. The snow decorates everything, trees, buildings. The trees are the most beautiful. I can hardly find any words to describe them. The mountains are amazing. On the top you can see lots of steam, maybe you will call it cloud. The snow covers the whole mountain. Lots of cable cars are sending people to the top. I guess they will ski there. In my room, through the windows I can see the beautiful trees. We also have a balcony. I can see the top of the mountains, the trees on them and the snow. It is a great place. It is nice that we have a five-hour break either for talking to each other or for skiing. Being here I feel like real winter is coming. December 09 some strangers that I met during the flight 在机场遇见一位老太太，check行李的时候撞见的。我们坐同一架飞机，而且座位在同一排，中间只隔着一个过道。一般老人都比较喜欢说话，这位也不例外。慢慢地就聊开了，她讲了很多她的故事，很好玩，决定记下来。 她是来康洲看他先生的，我很奇怪为什么她不跟她先生住在一起。她说：“我先生是搞3机的”。“哦，就是搞那个手机的通信的”，我插话说。“他研究机枪，大炮，怎么造这些东西，他的工作又机密，所以我给起了个名叫3机。”我禁不住笑，这老太太真有意思。“我去看他进门的时候都要全身扫描一遍，出来的时候把手放在那上面”，她做了个手放在扫描仪上的动作。“他都不能一个人跟我逛街，得有第三个人陪着。”“害怕他泄露机密给你”。我插话，她点头。“他的电脑上都是那些个线条，锯齿，我根本看不懂，也不愿看，我也不会泄露机密。”她主动解释。“万一别人派你做间谍呢，你可以把那些东西照下来啊。”我跟她开玩笑。她很机敏，“能放在电脑上的东西都不保密”。 从这些线索我判断她先生应该是个科学家了，我果真没猜错，她告诉我先生以前就在stanford工作，他在香港读的博士，毕业之后就被聘请到这边来工作了。他先生老家是厦门的，好像还在上海上过大学，然后去的香港。他们有一个幸福的家，他们的儿女似乎都在berkeley，后来又跟我说起他们的两个女儿嫁了两个老外，他们都有了混血的外孙了。 我很好奇她跟她先生怎么认识的，主动问起来，她交代说：“黑五类找黑五类，我是黑五类，他也是黑五类，我没有老公，他没有老婆。”她真坦率。“你们俩怎么碰到一起的？”因为她告诉我说她是大陆来的，老家在青岛，computer第一页设成青岛新闻，这些都是她主动交代的。我没有发现她和先生在地理上的交集。所以好奇心起，我就穷追不舍了。她很配合，很乐意跟我讲，“我们俩在一次朋友聚会上认识的，我的老乡跟他认识。他就问我老乡说那人是谁，老乡说那是我老乡，他就说那给我介绍介绍。后来他就给我打电话了，我说我根本不知道你是谁。”她又笑起来，我也笑，我想她年轻的时候一定很漂亮。她给我看了一张很有创意的照片，她把她以前的照片都收集起来，每个都剪成一个小头像，类似于大头贴，然后把这些头像摆在一起，她又拿数码相机照了一张。我看到中间那几张是她年轻时的照片，很漂亮。 她跟我讲起他老公的一些故事，“他很讲究，很干净，每次我一进家门就叫我洗手，我不洗，他就把我的手拉过去洗，他边洗我边在墙上蹭。”我想像那个情景，真是又感动又好笑。她还说，“他老是改造我，说我应该学做地道的美国人，他待的城市都比较先进，他思想比较入流，我这次来，他在屋里面穿西装，打领带，带了个鸭舌帽，门口还弄了个圣诞树。我说你这是干啥，他说欢迎你啊。”她说到这里又笑了，“他就喜欢搞那个罗曼蒂克，我说你自己罗曼蒂克吧。”她还跟我抱怨说跟着她先生不自由，什么都得听他的，“参加一个party，他要求我穿这个礼服，一定得穿高跟鞋，我最不喜欢穿高跟鞋了，他说不穿不礼貌。”她说她还有把她老公踹了的念头，但是因为他们有儿女，她的小女儿跟她说：“mom,不要这样，daddy是个好人。”我很好笑，他先生算是很有成就的人吧，67岁了还没退休，据她说他懂的东西别人不懂，别人可以放假他不能放假，只有工厂都放假了他才可以放假。可以想见他先生是个关键人物，是挑大梁的科学家。她却觉得那有啥干头，休假了身上所有的东西都没收，手机等等。而且他还要干到2010年，哪像她，退休好几年了。她以前是教中文的老师。“他们那种人都是傻子，不懂社会，完全跟社会隔绝了”她这样评价她先生，可是她后来又告诉我“找男人一定得找一个肯为你花钱的，你想要什么他都能给你的。我先生，我想要什么他没有不给的，我能穿的衣服，他一买就是半打，各种不同颜色，相同样式的，袜子一买就是一打。”她说，“每次都买那么多，穿都穿不完，搞得我都不好意思要啥了。”我看到她脚上的棉鞋，显然是在这边买的，她住在加洲，sfo，根本用不着棉鞋。“我这鞋是uug的，名牌，200多一双。”我没听过这个牌子，不过的确很贵。“我不打算穿回去，他非让我穿回去，下回再穿回来。” 下飞机了，她主动给我留了联系方式，说让我去她家玩，管吃管住。还让我跟她发邮件。有这样一个老太太，不错，我准备到了加拿大就给她发封信，保持联系吧。 |
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